Getting Over Failure

[TerraMer]

I'm interested in how other people get over failure?
When you have been planning something big for a while then things beyond your control like weather, illness, injury, other people or events stop it happening how do you respond/react?
I have had 3 walks postponed this year because of things beyond my control, 2 being the flu. It doesn't get easier, it just gets more frustrating. I'm a perimenopausal woman in my 40s so naturally I cry starting with tears of rage and anger at nothing and no one over the defeat then a bit of self pity and depending on the reason for failure usually tears of pain and fatigue.
Once I get that out of my system I start feeling really bad because I have failed the people who support me, my family and friends, until I remember their love is not conditional on success or failure
Then I start making plans to try again later and concentrate on getting better.
It is very easy for me to get stuck in a negative thought cycle during those few days or weeks afterwards but I try to get a bit of a positive mantra going through my head. Even if I don't feel the mantra (or happy self talk) at first it does start to have an effect after a while.

[Wollemi]

In the mid 90's I wanted to cycle Cape York - Wilsons Prom and return. I bailed at Lithgow on the 'return'. Just over it then.
Later paddled alone Tweed Heads to Townsville. Original plan was all of Queensland's E coast to TI. Had countless days of headwinds in mid-winter.
Twice or thrice tried to ski Kiandra to Thredbo. Too windy or ill the night before setting out. I am yet to do this.
Last weekend I bailed on a pack-raft trip along the Colo River due to feet problems.

Every time I have literally sat at home afterwards and not done much at all - I regret just not sorting photos or not writing TR's instead... and now I must go to work for a 24 hour shift. This certainly distracts.

Then I start making plans to try again later and concentrate on getting better. This is useful to take away as advice. Getting better can also include time management skills to employ when on a journey. To visit places later that you previously visited fleetingly sometimes helps to heal, I have found.

[taswegian]

Can't say I've had absolute failures, but certainly disappointments through not fulfilling something to my satisfaction.
But bring a perfectionist doesn't help.
Looking back I would either find an alternative place to go, or thing to do if I was thwarted in my attempts or aspirations.
But I would get a bit moody for a while and thankfully like you mention, the unconditional aspect of a true relationship has immense value. It helped when I came to the reality I can only make amends for things I've done /not done said etc as a consequence, towards others if they allowed that.
That included my attitude towards myself. (I guess the perfectionists will have an idea of what that's like)

If they still held a whatever after the event despite my attempts to correct any poor attitude or behaviour from me then I couldn't change that and it did free my concience. That took a long time in life to get to that point.

Now: you need stronger dark stuff. Have you tried any? I found some in Sydney Lindt shop and got hooked.
It may help get you across the line quicker when things get a bit wobbly
http://www.lindt.com/swf/eng/products/e ... llence-99/

[wayno]

in NZ you have to expect the weather will stop you sooner or later....
i feel lucky if i can complete a trip without the weather preventing me from doing so....
still there is the frustration when it does happen , have a plan B for bad weather....

[neilmny]

I'm interested in how other people get over failure?
When you have been planning something big for a while then things beyond your control like weather, illness, injury, other people or events stop it happening how do you respond/react?

A good point to start is to not view circumstances beyond your control as failure.
Disappointment is always a factor but life goes on and there are far worse things can happen to us than just not being able to go for a walk.
18 months ago I had a huge heart attack, I survived it by the skin of my teeth after being zapped back to life. Today I am 28 kilos lighter, walking up big hills with 18 or so kilos on my back
and seeing everything a lot more clearly and loving every minute even if it's not plan A in play.
If you can't go with the big plan just have a plan B, let yourself enoy plan B rather than dwelling on what you couldn't do.
Don't miss a minute of life, it's too short and fragile to waste.

(errr...pardon the rant folks )

[photohiker]

A good point to start is to not view circumstances beyond your control as failure.

Great point.

I have never looked upon trip problems as failures. They are opportunities to do better next time.

I've had a couple of disasters where I never actually set foot on the trail but I still don't rate them as failures. Just minor setbacks

This whole idea of failures probably relates to one's life outlook. Glass half full, or glass half empty?

[MrWalker]

I've had a few walks where I've not gone at all or not gone as far as intended for various reaosns. But I've never thought of these as failures. Even though in some cases it probably means I'll never get to the places I planned to visit.

I suppose if I was being sponsored to do some difficult walk then I might feel that I was letting someone else down by not completing it, but when it's just me and my family, we just do whatever is appropriate for the conditions at the time.

[ryantmalone]

I've had my fair share of failures. One particularly dry year, trying to do the alps track with a group of 5 from Mt Clear to The Nobs was particularly hard due to a complete lack of water. That was in the early 90's, and ended up standing on Mt Macdonald on our 3rd or so attempt.

My last failure was at Frenchmans Cap after a particularly wet crossing of The Loddons, found myself quite ill the following day after making the stupid decision to camp off track on a lovely looking flat halfway up Philps Lead, only to wake up in a couple of inches of water when the creek decided it wanted to flood. Pulled a handful of ticks off me that day, and was quite sick that afternoon, no condition to continue to Lake Tahune. Managed to do a day trip to Baron Pass, but returned to the car the following day across The Loddons, which were effectively a Lake by this point. That, and it was one of the only 40 degree days I have ever experienced in Tasmania.

I try to have a positive outlook on almost everything, including all failures whether due to stupidity or just because I am yet to learn enough about the area. When I fail, it means that I know what must be done in order to get further next time. The mountains will always be there, and the fact that I may not have been successful only means that I need to go there again, and that really aint that bad.

[Snowzone]

I have had 3 walks postponed this year because of things beyond my control,

Thats the nature of this game that things are often out of our control. I don't think that is a failure. A dissapointment, definately and very frustrating.
So I would probably still head outdoors somewhere to a favorite spot, breathe deeply to clear my mind, then focus on planning the next walk I want to do.

[Hallu]

A failure is like when you eat too much crap during the week and then you can't go to the summit on the week end walk, or when you thought it would be fine to do a 5 hour walk without any water. But giving up because of bad weather, an illness, or an injury isn't failure, especially if you still live to attempt it another day.

[Drifting]

I get grumpy and write an extra-violent chapter in whatever book I'm into at the moment.

[mikethepike]

But being a perfectionist doesn't help.

That's certainly true, even if like me , you are but you're not good enough to be one!
I think that the only response to failed situations is to be philosophical about them. A couple of years ago, I did a 185km 'sea to summit' and threw in the towel little more that a km from the summit and it's only a walk up summit! In that situation, you just have to be philosophical! And I had a couple of disappointments in Tassie earlier this year but they weren't from a lack of trying. If you put in the effort and you're caught wanting or circumstances go against you, well at least you had a go.

[taswegian]

That's certainly true, even if like me , you are but you're not good enough to be one!

Now that did make me laugh.
It sums it up admirably.
.

[Onestepmore]

I have a bit of a sulk, then go and do some mad weeding in the garden and exhaust myself, or decide to have a clearout and a throwout.
I guess in hindsight it's chanelling my frustration into something physical?
This is not referring to bushwalking failures (though I have had those, where my fitness wasn't up to scratch and I ended up being knackered, or things didn't turn out as expected due to weather or getting lost etc) but 'stuff' failures in general
Bushwalking failures I have a silent think, reassess what I can do better next time, plan better, all those sort of things. Learn by my mistakes, don't let it get me down, and get back on the horse I guess (yes I used to ride horses competatively - many more 'failures' there!)

In the past I'd go and aggressively kill imaginary pixellated monsters in the computer game I have played for over seven years - I played on a US server at a high level for quite a long time, guild officer blah blah blah
I still play. but not obsessively as I once did