I worked on my fear of heights for a year, and was thrilled with the result. My fear wasn't severe like yours, but I want to do more 'extreme' things.
Mt Anne the 1st time: Panic++, paralysed by fear at times, thought the only way off would be dead or by helicopter.
Mt Anne a year later: LOVED it!!!!
The (infamous) Notch the first time: Panic++, paralysed by fear at times, thought I was going to die.
The Notch a year later: LOVED it!!!!
What I did:
1. The Climbing Web
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I went most days up a climbing web at a local park. (Felt a bit silly, but hey...!) They vary in size, but ours is quite big.
On ours there's a plate right near the top you can stand on. It moves until your weight settles, just to increase the adrenaline.
At first, I thought I might die, or be seriously maimed. White knuckles. Did a bit of CBT and some breathing exercises while I was at the top. Consciously made myself relax my hands, and eventually started to enjoy the view. Then took one hand off.
More of the same. After maybe a month, I only had a few butterflies as I raced up and just got to enjoy the view.
2. Rock Climbing Lessons
Two very kind chaps gave me free climbing lessons, which were brilliant. They gave me:
Practice being safe at an increasing height
Practice focussing on what I needed to do, rather than the fear
Plenty of new skills - how to use my weight, straight arm etc to magically make new holds
Re-defined good holds to finger-holds and toe-holds
A bucket load of confidence
3. High Ropes Course
A local children's campsite has one of these. I hired it out myself for an hour or two (it comes with instructor, harness etc). Climb up spikes on a telegraph pole to a log 4 m off the ground, then a wire 8 m off the ground. Then a couple of other wires. My first goal was to be able to walk 'casually' across the log, instead of inching across sideways. That took a lot of goes, upping the difficulty a little each time. Plenty more CBT and breathing exercises while I did it.
4. Took every opportunity to scramble on rocks, take a more difficult little option when I was out bushwalking. More CBT etc.
5. Chose to listen to a positive tape in my head. One of my rock-climbing instructors gave me a huge gift in that regard, by saying, "Tortoise, you're a natural at this."
Still not sure if I can manage Federation, but I'm looking forward to having a really good go. Two potential options, in different groups. Both options will give me confidence in different ways. The first would be with a group I know well, who helped me up the previously impossible Geryon North and South. The second would be with a very experienced rope man.
Hope this might give you some ideas. All the very best!