Is that a goanna in your pants?

[Ticklebelly]

Or are you just happy to see me? I had a bizarre experience with the wildlife on the weekend. Walking a section of track on a slope in heavy bush. Typical situation where the track had been cut a little into the slope so that the natural ground surface on one side was about mid-thigh level. Wearing shorts and gaiters. Lots of snakes in the area so I was already keeping an eye out for anything on the high side that might be cause for concern. Just as I turned to say something to those behind, SOMETHING leapt from the bank onto my leg and headed north. I jumped, my companions jumped, and whatever was now running around the inside of my shorts was jumping too! So I grabbed at whatever was checking out the scenery in there in an effort to minimise the damage being done. As luck would have it, as the leg of my shorts came up, I could see tail hanging down. Immediately identified as a goanna, the heart rate started to come down a little. Then the simpathy kicked in as my companions scrambled for cameras while I stood there with a bunch of fabric and goanna in my hand, and extreme concern for things precious to me in the forefront of my thoughts, while my visitor did its best to claw its way out. Everyone, except me of course, was laughing and have fun at my expense. Hate to think how they would react to a shark bite, but I will deal with them at another time.

All turned out OK as I worked out which end was the head and how I might turn it around and get it out of there. Finally got the little buggar head down and just resting on the thigh while the photos were taken. Once I was sure there would be no more inappropriate touring of my boy parts, I released my grip and off it went. Don't know if the goanna was traumatise by what it saw in there but my damage was confined to lots of little scratches on the inside of the thigh. Just waiting for the photos to turn up in the email but I reckon I have a story that will be hard to beat in the future.

Great fun in camp that night as they did their best at one-upmanship is formulating a suitable news head line. Winner seemed to be "Bushwalker caught using illegal traps for wildlife, footage at 11". A few others, not suitable for publishing here, also got a laugh.

Might have to go back to wearing long pants after this little episode.

Ticklebelly

[flatfoot]

So are you going to enter the photos in the monthly comp?

[tasadam]

Bet you're glad you don't go Commando!
I thought of plenty of other responses, but all of them are inappropriate.......

[ILUVSWTAS]

That's one of the funniest things i've seen on this forum, thanks for sharing!!

[eggs]

Goanna's have a reputation for climbing up anything nearby.
Best to not look like a tree as you go past.
And if you see one heading for you - you should probably lie flat on the ground.

[tomh]

Have noted that in the original post and replies there has been not one word of concern for the well-being of the goanna. Considering where it has been and what it has seen, the poor thing must be a complete and utter mental wreck by now, cowering wide-eyed in fear under some remote rock.

[Macca81]

I suspect there wasnt much to see

[north-north-west]

Have noted that in the original post and replies there has been not one word of concern for the well-being of the goanna. Considering where it has been and what it has seen, the poor thing must be a complete and utter mental wreck by now, cowering wide-eyed in fear under some remote rock.

That might depend on its gender and preferences.

[FatCanyoner]

So where are these photos? I can't wait to see them.
And on the plus size, it's fairly complimentary that the goanna confused your manhood for a tree, which hopefully makes the scratches seem a little more worthwhile!

[Liamy77]

i would type more but i'm way too busy biting my tongue!! LOL LOLOLOL rofl

[Ticklebelly]

In response to repeated calls for photo proof of the monster attack on my boy parts by a woodland creature, I now have a photo to post. Please note that one's memories of an event are often distorted by post-event discussion. Alright, it wasn't 4 foot long but it was a cold day and some shrinkage is evident (it had been swimming) but also remember that when something invades your pants, uninvited and unannounced, the fright is enough.

The naughty bugger -

[Ticklebelly]

Re:comments on the welfare of the lizard and speculation on size or adaquacy of my boy bits -

1. The photo was taken by a laughing woman who could hardy hold the camera still long enough to take the photo.
2. Close examination of the goanna's expression shows it smiling slightly, indicating it has enjoyed a little cross species interaction, albeit mistaken in its belief that the trouser snake wanted to come out to play.
3. In a nod to the disclaimer attached to most movies these days - "no animals or lizards were hurt in the making of this photo".
4. And finally, I repeat, the day was quite cold and some shrinkage has occured. The *&%$#! thing felt much larger in those first few seconds as it tried to burrow its way north through the shorts waistband. Although small in body size, its claws were well developed and sharp.

Feel free to add your own comments, I'm just happy to deal with offers to appear in future editions of "When Animals Attack" as a way to profit from my experience.

Ticklebelly

[Liamy77]

LOL LOLOLOLOLOL - thank God i went to the loo BEFORE reading this!

[FatCanyoner]

While the size was a tat exaggerated, that photo is brilliant. You'll still have people cracking up at this story in a decades time!